It’s not uncommon in election season to run across “candidate chooser” quizzes or tests, such as the ones found here, or USA Today’s easier-to-use (and frankly more accurate and tweakable) tool. There are at least three fundamental problems with these things. First, and most distressing, is the tendency to cheat on one’s own candidate research and just rely on the test result. I am a little bit guilty of lackluster research myself. Early on, I was seduced by Obama’s charisma and charm before I really took a close look at his platform. When I did some digging on my own, I learned, much to my surprise, that the best fit candidate for me was Bill Richardson. I realize how unelectable he is, unfortunately, so now my pragmatic approach is to pull for an Obama/Richardson ticket.

People who just take the quiz and then vote how it tells them are short-circuiting democracy in a way. Yeah, yeah, I know that’s not what they’re supposed to be for. And using it that way is an abuse of what is meant to be a fun and harmless little exercise. But there are people out there who get all of their news from The Daily Show, or Bill O’Reilly. If there’s one thing I realized long ago, it’s that you can’t trust the American electorate. Or underestimate their laziness or stupidity.

Problem #2 is that the quizzes invariably reduce extremely complex and grey issues to black and white, yes/no/unsure questions. In fact, some of them aren’t even questions, they’re just short phrases identifying the issues.

Problem #3 is that only the marquee issues get represented. What about my niche issues?

Land Conservation
Too many candidates’ environmental platforms begin and end with global warming/Kyoto and energy/ANWR. There are plenty of other environmental policy issues that deserve their 15 minutes of fame, or at least attention. If there weren’t, I wouldn’t have a job.

Hemp
Industrial, that is. Not smokeable. The single biggest problem this issue has is image. I haven’t seen the polling data, but I would hazard a guess that dirty hippie stoners do not make convincing messengers. Every intelligent adult who spends 15 minutes thinking about this issue will come to the same conclusion. Hell, even my mother — lifelong Republican and born-again Christian — agrees that it is silly not to allow industrial hemp cultivation in this country.

Rail
Call me romantic or quixotic or just plain naive, but I think this country would be a better place if we hadn’t abandoned passenger rail 50 years ago in favor of the convenience of the interstate system. Think of the stories that unfolded on the train platforms all across the country. Think of the people you could meet while traveling freed of the responsibility of driving your own vehicle. Think of the intimate connection with the landscape, when you have the luxury of focusing your attention on it rather than reading maps and road signs. Ugh. The worst part is that so much of the infrastructure has been dismantled and turned into rail-trails.

Net Neutrality
Okay, so every Democrat supports this (and even a Republican or two, depending on how you interpret their responses). But I defy any one of them to explain substantively what it really means.

Microradio
I already posted in this blog earlier about the importance of the Local Community Radio Act of 2007.

Where is my candidate for these issues? These are as important to me as the Iraq War, same sex marriage and embryonic stem cell research.